{"id":1044,"date":"2011-07-02T15:52:58","date_gmt":"2011-07-02T20:52:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/guzelonlu.com\/blog\/?p=1044"},"modified":"2015-07-28T14:58:00","modified_gmt":"2015-07-28T12:58:00","slug":"son-zamanlarda","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/guzelonlu.com\/blog\/son-zamanlarda\/","title":{"rendered":"Son zamanlarda"},"content":{"rendered":"

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Sizin de ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131za geliyor mu bilmiyorum ama benim s\u0131k s\u0131k ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m bir durum var. Nerden ve ne sebepten \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 anlayamad\u0131\u011f\u0131m bir konuya g\u00fcnlerce kafa yorabiliyorum. Buna bir isim de takt\u0131m: D\u00fcnya \u00fczerinde ba\u015fka kimsenin umrunda olmayan ki\u015fisel g\u00fcndemim. Onlar u\u011fruna mezarl\u0131klar ziyaret ediyor, k\u00fct\u00fcphanelerden son 25 senedir kimsenin almad\u0131\u011f\u0131 kitaplar\u0131 \u00f6d\u00fcn\u00e7 al\u0131yor, ismi seneler \u00f6nce de\u011fi\u015fmi\u015f sokaklar\u0131\/binalar\u0131 bulmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yorum.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Bir s\u00fcre \u00f6nce gene b\u00f6yle bir i\u015f i\u00e7in de\u011fi\u015fik tarihlerde yay\u0131nlanm\u0131\u015f bir grup dergi sipari\u015fi verdim. Dergiler elime ula\u015ft\u0131ktan sonra onlar\u0131 kar\u0131\u015ft\u0131r\u0131rken bir tanesinin i\u00e7inden ufak bir ka\u011f\u0131t d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc. Ka\u011f\u0131d\u0131n \u00fczerinde okudu\u011fum anda kendimi garip hissetmeme neden olan \u015fu sat\u0131rlar yaz\u0131yordu: “Bu dergiyi bakal\u0131m ne zaman okuyacaks\u0131n\u0131z beyfendi, \u00e7ok merak ediyorum. Okudu\u011fun zaman da beni sevecek misin? Ben seni \u00e7ok ama \u00e7ok seviyorum”. Gerilmi\u015ftim, \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc hi\u00e7 tan\u0131masam da iki ki\u015fi aras\u0131ndaki \u00f6zel bir \u015feyin aras\u0131na girdi\u011fimi fark edersem gerilirim. Bu not o beyefendi d\u0131\u015f\u0131nda biri okusun diye yaz\u0131lmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131. \u00dcstelik \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcnc\u00fc bir \u015fahs\u0131n eline ge\u00e7ti\u011fine g\u00f6re beyefendi o dergiyi b\u00fcy\u00fck ihtimalle hi\u00e7 okumam\u0131\u015ft\u0131 (Emre, bu c\u00fcmleyi s\u0131rf sen “ya da…” diye ba\u015flay\u0131p alternatif binlerce ihtimal sunabilesin diye kurdum). San\u0131r\u0131m en \u00e7ok t\u00fcm bu olaydaki liselilik beni etkiledi. B\u00f6yle ufak notlar yaz\u0131p dergi aras\u0131na s\u0131k\u0131\u015ft\u0131rma, k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck bir tak\u0131lman\u0131n ard\u0131ndan sevdi\u011fin insan\u0131n sevgisini afacanca sorgulama, son noktay\u0131 kendi a\u015fk\u0131n\u0131 sunarak koyma ve \u00fcstelik t\u00fcm bunlar\u0131 ilk kez sen ak\u0131l ediyormu\u015fsun gibi davranma bana dudaklar\u0131m\u0131 \u00f6nce sola sonra sa\u011fa kayd\u0131rarak “hay allah\u0131m” dedirtti.<\/p>\n

Esas sizinle payla\u015fmak istedi\u011fim ise a\u015fa\u011f\u0131daki foto\u011fraf. 1920’lerde \u00e7ekilmi\u015f baz\u0131 foto\u011fraflar i\u00e7inde<\/a> kar\u015f\u0131la\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m g\u00fcnden beri s\u0131k s\u0131k akl\u0131ma d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcyor. Kendimi \u00e7ok kere de\u011fi\u015fik tonlarda arka arkaya “this man refused to open his eyes” derken yakal\u0131yorum.Yatakta, du\u015fta, vapurda, yemekte akl\u0131ma bu g\u00fczel foto\u011fraf geliyor ve bazen bir belgeselci, bazen bir ilkokul \u00f6\u011fretmeni, bazen ise \u00e7izgi film karakteri gibi hemen yap\u0131\u015ft\u0131r\u0131yorum c\u00fcmleyi: “This man refused to open his eyes”. \u015eu s\u0131ralar hayallerimde en \u00e7ok yer kaplayan adam\u0131n g\u00f6zlerini a\u00e7may\u0131 reddetme halindeki naiflik beni \u00f6ld\u00fcr\u00fcyor. Sizi de \u00f6ld\u00fcrmesi i\u00e7in buraya ekledim. Gene g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fece\u011fiz, sevgilerle.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Sizin de ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131za geliyor mu bilmiyorum ama benim s\u0131k s\u0131k ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m bir durum var. Nerden ve ne sebepten \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 anlayamad\u0131\u011f\u0131m bir konuya g\u00fcnlerce kafa yorabiliyorum. Buna bir isim de takt\u0131m: D\u00fcnya \u00fczerinde ba\u015fka kimsenin umrunda olmayan ki\u015fisel g\u00fcndemim. Onlar u\u011fruna mezarl\u0131klar ziyaret ediyor, k\u00fct\u00fcphanelerden son 25 senedir kimsenin almad\u0131\u011f\u0131 kitaplar\u0131 \u00f6d\u00fcn\u00e7 al\u0131yor, ismi seneler \u00f6nce de\u011fi\u015fmi\u015f sokaklar\u0131\/binalar\u0131 bulmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yorum.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":1045,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[209],"tags":[],"post_mailing_queue_ids":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/guzelonlu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1044"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/guzelonlu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/guzelonlu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/guzelonlu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/guzelonlu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1044"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/guzelonlu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1044\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3642,"href":"https:\/\/guzelonlu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1044\/revisions\/3642"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/guzelonlu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1045"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/guzelonlu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1044"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/guzelonlu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1044"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/guzelonlu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1044"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}